Category Archives: Insights

Balanced Friendships

Do you long for more balanced friendships?

Friendships work best when there’s an equal share of giving and receiving. The angels want you to spend time with your good friends and to enjoy balanced friendships. You attract others who have a similar energy to yours. When your energy or vibration is high, you naturally and effortlessly attract others who also have a high vibration. That is how the law of attraction works.

Gerbera message - Balanced Friendships

When you live from a place of high vibration, you raise the vibration of those around you. Your higher vibration infuses into their energy field and lifts their vibration. If they’re not prepared to accept this, they will move out of your life. Some friendships are not meant to last the distance. Others will want to be around you all the time and bath in your energy. This is fine as long as you don’t feel depleted afterwards.

Be aware of those energy vampires in your life who suck you dry, leaving you tired and exhausted after you spend time with them. It’s good to share your energy, your love with others, just be careful to not withdraw too much from your energy bank that you have nothing left for yourself. You need to practice self-care and self-love. You need to maintain a high vibration through doing things that fill you up – liking walking in nature or spending time with people and things you love.

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We’re spiritually connected to everyone. We can use this sacred bond to heal our family, friends and ourselves. This message of unity comes from the angels via the flower, hibiscus. If you find yourself in a long-standing conflict with a family member or friend, you can ask your guardian angels to work with the other person’s guardian angels to help you resolve the tension. Those closest to us are our greatest teachers. They know how to push our buttons. Over and over.

When someone triggers us through something they say, as family members often do, accept this as an invitation to look inside ourselves for a crumb of truth in what they’re saying. We are often triggered by words or behaviour that exposes something inside us that we are unwilling to see. But it’s showing up as an invitation to unveil that which is hidden because it is time to us to face it, to accept it as part of us but not all of us. It’s not wrong, it just is. If we are judging their behaviour as wrong, disrespectful or hurtful, we can look for ways or times when we have acted in a similar manner. We may never do or say hurtful things to others, but have we done harmful things to ourselves? Are we treating ourselves with respect? With loving kindness? If our internal dialogue is abusive and disrespectful, the same lack of love and respect is mirrored back to us in our external environment. We attract abuse and disrespect from those around us.

When we accept that they are doing the best they know how, just as we are doing the best we know how, we gain peace. We have a sacred bond with our loved ones. We are all connected spiritually, so when we judge others, we judge ourselves. When we can forgive others, we are able to forgive ourselves. When we love ourselves, we have a greater capacity to love others.

Gerbera: Balanced FriendshipsBalanced friendships require sharing of giving and receiving. The angels ask us to look at our current relationships and consider whether they are nurturing and fulfilling, or draining and tiring. We need to be honest with ourselves. True friends are those we can call upon at any moment for support. They’d drop everything and come to our aid, and we’d do the same for them. As sensitive beings, we have a desire to help others. However, people can take advantage of our generous nature by asking for too much. This can leave us conflicted or resentful about our relationship, or drained and depleted. There needs to be an equal share of give and take. An unhealthy and unbalanced relationship will only bring us exhaustion. The angels want us to let go of any unbalanced relationships and move into new, mutually giving and respectful relationships. They want us to have balanced friendships.

Because we are all connected in spiritual truth, we are never alone; our energy is naturally intertwined with others. As one person’s energy grows and heals, everyone else is positively influenced. So by focussing healing upon yourself, by focussing on healing relationships with others, we can heal those around us. When we send healing prayers to others, we’re also sending loving wishes to ourselves.

Ho’oponopono is an ancient Hawaiian healing prayer, thought to have originated as a way to correct the wrongs in someone’s life. Ho’oponopono means to make right. Essentially, it means to make it right with the ancestors, or to make it right with the people with whom you have relationships. It’s not about saying what the other person did was wrong or right. It has nothing to do with others. It’s about making it right for you by cleaning up what is in you that is causing you to be triggered by others. It’s about forgiving and loving that part of you that you may not have been willing to acknowledge was even there.

We can use the Ho’oponopono process whenever we are faced with an adverse situation, when we’re triggered by others or when we find ourselves in an undesirable place in our lives. Firstly, we ask ourselves questions like: What is it in me that is causing this event to take place? What is it in me that causing this person to behave this way? What is it in me that is causing this sickness to manifest? What is it in me that is preventing my dreams being fulfilled? This is not about blame of any kind. Blaming others just ensures the problem remains or recurs. Blaming yourself is not helpful either. It is however, about you accepting full responsibility for the other person’s actions. Accepting responsibility is not about blame. Blame implies you or another person did something wrong. Accepting responsibility allows you to do something about the situation. It is empowering.

How I Use Ho’oponopono

The Ho’oponopono prayer is a forgiveness prayer and involves repeating the following statements over and over as a mantra. “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you.” This is the sequence I like to use, others may use them in a different order.

You can practice using the Ho’oponopono process everyday. An example of how you can use it, could include the following scenario. You have lunch with a friend and you feel hurt about a comment she made or something she did or didn’t do. You get home and you stew on it, you complain to your partner and you get angry with the kids for not doing what you asked. Instead of feeling upset or angry about the situation or trying to get your friend to apologise or change in any way, you turn your attention inside and ask yourself “What is it inside me that is causing my friend to be so nasty?” Then you say the mantra over and over. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. You might be surprised how quickly the situation changes. She might ring and apologise or you clear up a misunderstanding. Or not. You might just not be triggered by her. Keep in mind this mantra is about forgiving and loving the part inside you that is causing others to act in a way that is upsetting you, it is not about wanting or trying to force others to change.

You can use this same process if you witness a stranger yelling at someone. You don’t need to know the people involved, or be personally involved yourself. Ask yourself “What is it in me that is causing this person to be so angry?” Focus on yourself and chant the mantra. This shifts your vibration which in turn, snowballs out to others because we’re all connected, and changes the vibration of others and the situation. Don’t expect the situation to change, just notice what shows up. Observe what’s different about you and about the situation.

Another example of how to use the mantra is if you are experiencing pain in your body. Hold your attention on the area of your body where you are feeling the pain and repeat the mantra. I’m sorry. Please forgive me. I love you. Thank you. If you like, you can add extra words that feel right for you e.g. “I’m sorry beautiful body. I’m so so sorry. I’m sorry for what happened to you. Please, please forgive me for neglecting you. Please forgive me for judging you and treating you unkindly. I love you. I love you so so much. I will take care of you. Thank you for protecting me. Thank you for doing the best you could.” This is an adaptation to the prayer. It has the same underlying message. Feel free to play around with it. I find when I’m focussing on my body and saying the mantra, I receive messages or guidance about how I can help my body, and miraculously, the pain often eases or shifts completely.

When we have pain or there is something about our body we don’t like, it can be difficult to detach from the outcome we want and just focus on loving and accepting that part of us. This process is not about forcing anything to happen. The more we push and want something to change, the more we lock it into place. We need to practice, without expectation of change. Aim for progress, not perfection.

Finding My Passion

What’s your Passion?

Have you found your passion?

We can have many passions in life. It doesn’t have to be just one thing. Nor does it have to be income producing. It doesn’t have to be your job. It can be a hobby, an activity or a calling. It can be a part of your life, like cooking or caring for your family. It may be volunteering at the local animal rescue compound. Whatever it is for you, it is something you love doing. And when you’re doing it, time seems to fly without you noticing it. 

Are you still looking for your passion? Or are you living it and don’t realise?

After years of being stuck in a rut going through the motions of life without joy or passion, I found the courage to shed many activities, responsibilities and even friendships that were no longer serving me. When I turned my life around, I had to start afresh. I needed strength to rebuild relationships and I needed time to find activities to light me up. Things that once interested me, no longer did it for me. They felt like a burden rather than fun and fulfilling. I needed to once again find my passion.  

During a meditation one day when I was feeling stuck, going nowhere but with a strong desire to contribute to the lives of others, I asked my angels “What is my next step?” The answer I received was unexpected and confusing. “Buy a camera.”  I’d wanted to buy a ‘proper’ camera, a DSLR for a long time but always found an excuse to not spend the money. And apart from that, I didn’t know what to look for in a camera. The world of photography was foreign to me and I didn’t speak the same language. I didn’t understand the message. Why would I need to buy a camera? How could I justify the extravagance? I also didn’t trust that I got the message right. So I didn’t act on it. But the thought kept niggling at me like an itch that needed scratching. I spoke to my husband about it and we both decided it wasn’t a priority at the time.

A few months later he noticed an online special for a camera. A red hot deal for $99. It was a point and shoot camera but I had to start somewhere. The price was good, so I started investigating the specs. The megapixels. The zoom. The added features. It looked like a good deal to me. While I was still doing my online research to make sure it was a decent camera and a good price, my husband was already entering his credit card details. He’s not a procrastinating perfectionist like me. The camera arrived a few days later just before my nephew’s wedding. I was excited to start practicing with my new toy.

 

A month later, I signed up for a photography class with my local U3A and joined their Snappers photography group. I wanted to get the most out of my camera. Members of the group had a variety of cameras, ranging from small point and shoots to DSLRs. My camera was in between. It was a top end of the point and shoots at that time and it had some features that you’d normally only find on a DSLR. Step by step, I started to learn the language of photography. I realised my husband had snapped up a great deal on the camera he’d bought, while I was still procrastinating. Cameras with similar specs and functionality were about three times the price we paid.

I started going on photo shoots with the U3A group and learning from fellow members. I was hooked. I soon wanted a better camera. I needed a DSLR. I spent a few months investigating the best camera for me. It seemed the best brands were either Canon or Nikon? Intuitively I felt more comfortable with a Canon, so I started there. There were so many models. I narrowed my search down to three then went into shops and played with them until I decided which one felt right. I found a great deal and became a proud owner of a Canon 70D. Once I had the camera, I wanted different lenses. And filters. And high speed memory cards. And a spare battery. And… I had to stop somewhere. There are still a few accessories I’d like but I can wait for them. I soon realised there is always something else you want to buy to support a hobby like photography. Something better. Something extra. You always have a wish list. I also realised that you don’t need all those extras to take good photos. Like everything in life, you need to start where you are. So for now, I’m happy to keep my trainer wheels on and learn how to best use what I’ve got. Having the most extensive or expensive gear doesn’t make you the best photographer.

 

I have a passion for photography

It’s been just over a year since I bought my first DSLR camera. I enjoy taking photos and sharing my pics with others so they too can enjoy them. My photography is simple. I love capturing the beauty of nature. Flowers. Landscapes and Seascapes. Things with wings – birds, butterflies and dragonflies. But I don’t neglect people. I also like doing family shoots and capturing each person’s individual personality or nature.

I have ignited my passion by finding photography. I’m pleased I listened to the message I received from my angels during that meditation, even if it took me a little while to act on it. I hope you enjoy my photos.

For more photos, you can follow my Facebook photography page My Nature. 

Sending you my love

Kaye  

        

When do children grieve?

When is the time right for a child to grieve the death of a parent?

 

At the time of the loss, even very young children can be aware of the separation that has occurred due to their parent’s passing. They may recognise their parent is not there when they used to be and they may also sense the emotional pain of others around them during this distressing time. Depending on the age and emotional maturity of the child, they may not understand the permanency of their loss until much later, possibly years later.

Most children will feel varying degrees of sadness at the time of the loss, and this is often shrouded in confusion about the meaning of death, and trying to understand their emotions and possibly the behaviour of others. This may be the first time that they witness their remaining parent or other caregiver crying. They may not understand explanations provided, if there are any explanations given.

While children express feelings of grief following their loss, they can not fully comprehend the effect this loss will have on them, much of this is not realised until years later, if at all. Many people will not be aware that such a wound inflicted during childhood, can impact every aspect of their lives for the rest of their lives.

The loss of a parent when a child is 2 or 3 years old may result in a fear of separation or abandonment which can translate into relationship problems for that adult child with them being clingy or needy in relationships or having an aversion to developing attachments to others.   

The loss of a parent when a child is around 8 or 9 years old, can result in the child idolising that parent and believing they could never live up to the expectation of being a parent themselves.

My own childhood losses unconsciously resulted in such life experiences for me. Following my Dad’s death when I was two, I became a clingy child not wanting to let my Mum out of my sight. Over the years, I have experienced times of severe stress and inconsolable tears at times when I was separated from those I love, such as during hospital stays as a child, when my sister left home to get married and when I was about to leave for university. Even now, I can become teary when my husband is leaving for a weekend or week away from me.

My fear of separation was likely amplified when my Mum died when I was nine. Through my nine year old eyes, I saw my Mum as the perfect Mum; someone who could do or fix everything and who was always there for me… until she wasn’t. I put her on a pedestal, idolising the perfect picture of motherhood; a picture I knew I could never live up. Coupled with what I believed was a strong likelihood that I too would die at an early age, I could not consider having children of my own in case they were left motherless at an early age.

Scanned family 1960 best

 

The loss of my parents obviously had a huge impact on my life, the extent of which I have only become aware of in recent years. And it is now more than four decades later. I have also come to realise that what happened after their deaths, primarily how those close to me reacted to the deaths is probably what had the greatest influence on me. While I can’t recall much following my Dad’s passing, I have clear memories of the days following my Mum’s passing. Memories such as the ‘explanation’ we were given for her death; statements such as “God only takes the best”, “Only the good die young”, “God must have needed her in Heaven.” Following these platitudes, it took me nearly forty years to be able to say the word ‘God’ without gritting my teeth and feeling tension in my whole body.

Following my Mum’s death, she was rarely spoken about in open conversation. Things soon got back to our new normal after her passing, in fact I only had one day off school, returning to school the day of her funeral. I wasn’t allowed to attend her funeral. Instead I watched from the school grounds next door to the church and within view of the cemetery.

Although I shed bucket loads of tears for my Mum over the years, mainly in private, I never really grieved MY loss. As a child, I got on with what was expected of me. However the pain of my loss burned like an inferno inside of me, until it started to consume me thirty years after my loss. It took me another ten years to realise that I was harbouring feelings of grief that had never been expressed, despite all the tears over the years. And surprisingly, I discovered a pocket of unexpressed grief for my Dad buried in my body as well, as I wrote about this time last year in my blog, titled Unexpressed Grief.   

family silhouette

It took me over four decades, but eventually I gave myself permission to express my grief. Well, I didn’t have much say in it really, as the tears flowed like water over Victoria Falls. I recognised that I needed to acknowledge MY pain, as it was MY loss. I finally allowed myself to FEEL my pain, and to feel the sadness I held for what I missed out on as a daughter. Instead of judging, denying, ignoring and trying to suppress or push my feelings away, I welcomed and embraced them. Once I made them welcome, they were free to leave.

Following my ah ha moment of the need to express my grief no matter how long it was since my loss, I wondered whether other people knew of this what-I-consider-to-be-a revelation. I pondered whether the time is ever right for a child to fully grieve the death of their parent. When is a ‘good’ time to revisit your childhood pain? I labelled my feelings of pain and sadness as inappropriate whenever they arose, as it had been twenty or thirty years since my loss. I now know it is imperative for us to feel our feelings and to cry as many tears as we need to, for the pain of our loss, no matter how long we’ve been holding on to that pain. I learned the hard way, that it’s never too late to feel our feelings. As Karol K Truman discusses in her book of the same title “feelings buried alive, never die.”   

Do adults who were a child when their parent died, ever revisit their grief and complete the grieving process? If so, did they do this in their early adult life or much later in life? I don’t mean to imply that we ever get over our loss, as things are forever changed and we may always have feelings of sadness, but I’ve come to understand that we can reach a point of completion or full acceptance that the death was not wrong or a mistake and that it was time for our loved one to pass.  

It is recognised that children less than three years of age have little or no understanding of the meaning or significance of death. However, that doesn’t mean they don’t feel the loss or that they don’t need to grieve. This grief may go unrecognised and unexpressed for many years, waiting patiently for as long as it takes to have its expression. 

Renown grief expert, Dr Elisabeth Kübler-Ross wrote in her book, On Death and Dying (1969) ‘grief has a fail-safe mechanism that will hold itself intact until a child is old enough or psychologically prepared enough to deal with it.’ 

So when do children grieve? When is the time right for this expression? Is it two, five, ten or twenty years later, or like me fifty years later? Or do most people never complete their grieving process but transfer their original unexpressed grief from childhood onto their next loss?

 

Today on the anniversary of my Dad’s passing, I dedicate this post to him as well as to my Mum, and send them both my love and appreciation for the short time we got to spend together in this lifetime.

 

Your daughter, Kaylene (Kaye)

1-Mum and Dad's grave

It’s Just Your Hormones

It’s Just Your Hormones

© Kaye Hazel 2013

arm stretch

 Everyone says, it’s just your hormones

Need to exercise and strengthen the bones

Tears and tantrums for no reason

Hot and cold, no matter the season

Aches and pains, grumbles and moans

sheep

Hot flushes, cold shoulders, I’m quite off my game

The memory is gone, I’m just not the same

Night sweats, poor sleep

I try counting sheep

For this and more, our hormones we blame

glasses on pads

 Hair appears where never before

And where it was, it is no more

Need glasses to read

No longer can breed

These changes, you just can’t ignore

chinese dispensary

What happens to your body is very complex

A weak bladder is one of these effects

Natural therapies, herbs and teas

It’s worth trying these home remedies

When things start to sag, you scream ‘what next?’

man hiding behind hat

So when you’re that age and your hormones run rife

Your husband hides away to stay out of strife

Forget excuses, no need to think twice

Blame it on your hormones is my advice

Accept what it is and get on with your life.

 

Holding Onto Stuff

Are you holding onto stuff from your past? packing boxes

We hold onto things we think we might need one day or things that remind us of good times in our lives.

Over the years, we can accumulate a lot of stuff. Stuff like:    

  • that pair of jeans that we looked great in fifteen years ago ….  we might fit into them again one day 
  • that pair of socks we got as a gift with purchase …. we added them to our other 25 pairs of rarely worn socks  
  • that crepe maker we used once …. but might use again some day  
  • that half used bottle of perfume … we used to like it   
  • our wedding dress …. can’t bear to toss it or give it away 
  • our high school uniform signed by our classmates …. even though we haven’t heard from any of them in thirty years 
  • those letters we wrote to our boyfriend when we were teenagers …. even though we married him 30 years ago 
  • all those little kitchen gadgets we got from Tupperware parties … you never know when you might need to hull a strawberry or ball a melon, or use all those other things that you don’t know what they are for.   

We all have stuff we hang onto. I’m sure you have stuff just like those things on my list. Much of our stuff is something we no longer need, or we never needed in the first place. But we think we might use one day. We hang onto it, just in case. Other stuff may be something that is connected to a pleasant memory from our past and we want to hang onto it as a keepsake or reminder. 

Some stuff may have been a gift from a friend or relative and we don’t want to offend that person by throwing the gift away even though we don’t like it or have no use for it. We stuff these things in a bottom drawer, in the back of a cupboard, on top on the wardrobe, under the bed or in a box in the garage. It all goes somewhere where we don’t need to look at it every day.  

After a while, we don’t even notice that overloaded drawer or box, and we forget that we have all that stuff. It is out of sight and out of mind, until something or someone jogs your memory about it.  

It’s not only physical stuff that we hoard, we also hang onto emotional stuff. 

We carry our emotional stuff around with us, often not even realising we are doing this. We think we leave our stuff behind after a traumatic experience, because we move on. But in reality, we hang onto remnants of our life experiences. Unlike the physical stuff that we hold onto, much of our emotional stuff is connected to unpleasant past experiences. But like the physical stuff, we stash it away somewhere out of sight and adopt the attitude of “if we can’t see it, it is no longer there.”  

Because it’s not a conscious decision that we make to trap these emotions in our body, we can’t really be to blame for hoarding them. We don’t even know they’re there. We dealt with the situation the best way we knew how at the time, or how we always deal with unpleasant experiences. We move on with our life. 

These memories have an emotional charge to them and like the attraction of a magnetic charge to metal filings, these memories stick to us.  We store them away for later like that old pair of jeans. But we don’t store our emotions in the back of a cupboard or under the bed, rather they get stored in our body. They end up in any part of our body which is open to receiving them. 

We keep adding to our stuff as we move through life and pretty soon, this storage container of our body gets overloaded and can’t hold anymore. Stuff starts to spill out of it like that overful shoebox under the bed. This overflow can be a slow seepage that goes unrecognised for awhile, or it can erupt like a volcano. This spillage of our stored emotions manifests as pain, a nervous disorder or a dis-ease.

Our body just can’t keep holding on to all our stuff and it needs to release some of the tension.

To release the stuff from our body, we need to de-clutter our bodies like we de-clutter and spring clean our homes. We need to get rid of all the stuff we no longer need. This is best done before our body gets overloaded and starts to leak or erupt. There are a number of ways to de-clutter the stuff from our body, and a number of people to help us do this. One way to do this is with the release techniques such as meridian tapping or EFT. Click here for more information about release techniques. 

Once we de-clutter the stuff from our body, we need to make sure we stop accumulating more stuff. We need to be vigilant and adopt a daily practice to clear our energy field so we don’t attract those emotionally charged remnants of life. If we de-magnetise our bodies by having a clear energy field, any emotional remnants we experience in our life will fall off us like the metal filings would without the magnet.

Do you have stuff you need to release from your life?          

hands releasing

Children Learn What They Live

contemplation

 

CHILDREN LEARN WHAT THEY LIVE


If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.

If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.

If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.

If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.

If children live with ridicule, they learn to feel shy.

If children live with jealousy, they learn to feel envy.

If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.

If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.

If children live with tolerance, they learn patience.

If children live with praise, they learn appreciation.

If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.

If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.

If children live with recognition, they learn it is good to have a goal.

If children live with sharing, they learn generosity.

If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.

If children live with fairness, they learn justice.

If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.

If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and those about them.

If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.

Dorothy Law Nolte (1924-2005)

 

tiptoesDorothy Nolte wrote this poem in 1954 as part of her weekly column on creative family living for a local newspaper. At this time in the 1950s, and for many years later, parents raised their children by telling them what to do and what not to do. I grew up in the 1960s and 70s with this model of parenting, although I don’t regard my childhood as anything like ‘normal.’  

Nolte recognised that parent’s greatest influence on their children is the example they set as role models in everyday life. She, herself became a role model for parents and the wisdom in her words continue to be inspirational today.   

I’d like to see every parent be given a copy of this poem as a reminder of the responsibility that comes with the important role of parenting.  

Actually, that is exactly what happened! The poem was widely circulated by readers of her newspaper column and was distributed to millions of new parents by a maker of baby formula.  

She copyrighted it in 1972 and expanded it into a book in 1998.  

What is your child learning?  

Are you consciously modelling what you’d like your children to learn? 

What did you learn from your childhood?  

What would you like to have learnt?  

I was personally touched by the message in this poem and I urge you to reflect on your own childhood and on your own parenting / grand-parenting, without judgement. I believe that parents do the best they can with the resources they have available to them, so please reflect but don’t judge yourself or beat yourself up if you think you can or could have done better. 

Even though this poem was written almost 60 years ago, the message is just as relevant today. I think it is worth reading regularly and if you are a parent, I hope it gives you both inspiration and courage to be the best role model you possibly can for your children. If this message touches your heart, as it did mine, please share this message with others.  

You can read more wisdom from Nolte and her co-author, Rachel Harris, as they expand on each of the learnings in her poem, in their book of the same title.  

The late Dorothy Nolte, PhD was a lifelong teacher and lecturer on family life education and was friends with Rachel Harris, PhD (a psychotherapist with post-graduate training in family therapy) for more than 25 years.

 ‘This book can help you become the parent you have always wanted to be, and raise the kind of children you can always be proud of.’ 

From the foreword by Jack Canfield, co-author of the Chicken Soup for the Soul series.

 Reference:

Dorothy Law Nolte and Rachel Harris, ‘Children Learn What They Live’ Finch Publishing, Sydney, 1998 

Words Can Change Your Life

Words can change your life.

Have you ever read a book that more than touched you, in that it changed your life in some way?  

I would suggest this is the goal of all writers. Yes it is nice to be financially rewarded for your masterpiece, but I think the deepest desire of writers is to really touch the lives of others. Writing from your heart and sharing your inner thoughts on the page can be like running naked through a field, feeling exposed with nowhere to hide. 

All too often, authors will never know how their words have impacted the lives of their readers. 

The book that changed my life was “Your Soul’s Plan – Discovering the Real Meaning of the Life You Planned Before You Were Born” by Robert Schwartz. 

your soul's planBefore I read this book, I was living as a victim collecting evidence everyday to support the belief that my life was unfair. I had a long list of experiences as proof of this belief. The death of my parents when I was a child, the emotional, physical and sexual abuse perpetrated by a stepfather, the disparity of assets distribution from my Mum’s estate, not being paid properly by bosses, even missed opportunities. The Universe was matching my vibration of inequity and injustice with more of the same.    

Reading “Your Soul’s Plan” was the catalyst for me to turn my life around. I changed the way I looked at my life and my life changed. I stopped trying to change my past and accepted my life for what it was. I accepted my childhood as having meaning and purpose rather than being a mistake. 

This book showed me that our life’s challenges are (mostly) pre-planned before we incarnate and each experience we have during our lifetime has meaning and a purpose for our soul’s expansion. I came to understand that all the experiences in my life were happening FOR me and nothing was happening TO me. 

My changed outlook on life allowed me to grieve for the loss of my parents and the loss of my childhood. The years of escalating depression that hung over me like a dark cloud lifted to reveal blue skies of love and possibility, and a purpose for living. 

I am truly grateful for Robert Schwartz for bringing this book into being and touching me in such a positive and life-changing manner. 

What book has changed your life?

I’d love to hear your story.

Kaye

Authenticity ~ Living Your Truth

Authenticity, noun ~ undisputed credibility, genuineness, legitimacy, believability, credibility – the quality of being believable or trustworthy. 

earth glow2013 is a year of Authenticity. Since the beginning of the Aquarian Age following the 21 December 2012 solstice, the Earth has been flooded with more light. This light illuminates everything on Earth and will reach even the darkest of places. Where there is light, there can be no darkness, because the darkness is transformed.  

That which is of a lower vibrating energy will be illuminated this year for all to see. That which has been hidden will be exposed. No one is immune to the light. There is nowhere to hide. Scandals will be exposed, involving governments, corporations, businesses, celebrities and possibly even friends and acquaintances. OK, I hear you saying, scandals involving celebrities are nothing new!   

Are you living your truth? Now is the time for you to consider bringing more light into your life and illuminate any fear, guilt and shame you may have, and move into a more authentic life. 

How can we bring light into our life? We simply do this through our intention. What does this mean? If we think of light as love, we can consciously choose to breath in love and bring this into our body. We can align with the vibration of love by feeling love in our hearts. 

Think of someone or a pet you love unconditionally or remember a time in your life when you felt loved by another and bring the feeling of this love into your body. Practice this feeling as often as you can with the aim of living there all the time, and your life will change.  

bears and book

When you are in the vibration of love, you can shift many things in your life, such as your health, your relationships and even your finances. When you are living at this vibration of love, you also raise the vibration of others around you. Life becomes more enjoyable and fulfilling. 

As fear can not co-exist in the presence of light and love, we can shine the light on our fears and see them dissolve. Keeping our fears hidden can be draining on our energy and on our health. We spend more energy trying to hide our fears than we can afford.  

Fears are a projection of something in the future; something that may or may not happen. They are based in the past – past thoughts, beliefs and experiences. So to dissolve our fears, we need to be in the present moment.  

A simple exercise to facilitate this is to name your fears out loud, then immediately bring your attention to the present. You can do this by simply noticing something in front of you such as the coffee cup on your desk, the scene from your window, the picture on the wall – whatever may be right in front of you.  

Bringing your full attention to a part of your body such as your hands, your feet, or your breath is also a good way to be present. You can stroke our hand and really notice how that feels – notice the sensation of touch, warmth, pressure etc. Alternatively you can put your attention on the space between your feet and the floor and notice how that feels. Another technique is to just notice your breath, without trying to control it. Is there a temperature difference between your inhalation and your exhalation? 

These are all techniques to help you be present in the moment. When you are present in the moment, or being mindful, you can not feel fear, just like light and dark can not co-exist. 

scared little boy oldWhen you feel fear creeping back into your mind, allow it to be there, acknowledge it and thank it for showing up for you. Don’t try to push it away or judge yourself for having this feeling, just allow it to be there and accept it as a natural human emotion. 

It will be showing up for a reason. It may have a message for you or it may simply want to be acknowledged so that it can leave your body. 

If at any time, you feel yourself overcome with fear, or even just feel slightly stressed during your day, bring your attention to the present moment and shift your energy into a more peaceful restful state. Your body will thank you for this. It only takes a moment, needs no special equipment and can be practiced anytime and anywhere. 

Releasing your fears and any hidden emotions of shame, guilt or lack (which are all extensions of fear) will help you move into a more authentic you. What have you got to lose? Now is the time for you to start living your truth as the Universe is supporting you.

Unexpressed Grief

My Dad was an avid sportsman; one of those people who excelled at any sport he turned his hand to. He played tennis, golf and cricket and competed in wood-chopping events at regional shows. He loved his farm where fattening cattle and growing cash and fodder crops allowed him to live his dream. He was a loving and doting husband and father and his children adored him. At 31, he was at his prime enjoying life and his young family.  

It was at this time that his life was cut short as a result of a car accident. He left behind his wife of ten years and four young children, aged from two to eight years. 

Today, the first of May, is the anniversary of my Dad’s passing. Although it has been 51 years, he has never been forgotten. 

I was his baby girl and at two years old when he passed, I have only vague memories of feeling safe and comforted when held in his arms. I do however, recall a time when I was wandering the house looking for him, feeling scared and alone, crying out for his attention. I believe this would have been sometime in the days following his passing. Although I never really knew my Dad, I have never doubted his love for me. When I tune into his energy now, I am filled with a sense of love and peace. 

As time passed, memories of my Dad faded and because of my age and lack of understanding of death, I never grieved for him. Due to the paucity of my memories, the need to grieve his loss didn’t even enter my mind, even as an adult.

However, unbeknown to me, I incubated this unexpressed grief carrying it with me throughout my life, until it needed to be released, like the steam in a pressure cooker. It was fifty years after his death, when the pressure valve was finally discharged and I was left emotionally spent. 

It was April 2012 and my niece, Abbie was getting married in an outdoor ceremony at a beachside resort. As she linked her arm through her father’s and made her way onto the rose petal littered carpeted aisle to meet her husband-to-be under the shade of a white wedding canopy, all eyes were on Abbie. 

But my eyes were fixed on her father, my brother. Bruce had walked me down the aisle when I was married 30 years ago, but this was different. This was his only daughter, and the pride and love he had for her was palpable.  

As I looked at my brother sharing a nervous laugh with his daughter as they edged closer to their destination, I saw him in a way different to how I had known him before. I saw him as the loving, doting and proud father that he is and this triggered something inside me. 

My eyes grew heavier until I could no longer fight the battle to hold back the tears and they cascaded down my face. Equally surprised and embarrassed by my outpouring of emotions, I did my best to keep a dry face, consoling myself with thoughts of ‘no one would be looking at me.’  

Little did I know at the time, this was only the start of my tears that day. After the reception and in the confines of my room, the floodgates were opened. The barrier had been breached and the floodwaters arrived. I was inconsolable, and sobbed incessantly and uncontrollably for over two hours until I finally fell asleep, totally exhausted. The following morning brought more tears and despite my best efforts to shut them down, they needed to come out. They continued to pour out until gradually easing off over the following week. 

Confused about the intensity of my emotions, I reasoned in my mind that it must be because I was menopausal. What other explanation could there be? However, deep inside, I had an uneasy feeling that I would never see my brother again. I was afraid that something was going to happen to him and I wanted to hold on to our connection as a family. 

It was another six months before I understood my emotional breakdown had nothing to do with my brother, but was an expression of grief for my Dad. When I saw my brother at the wedding and felt the loving connection he had with his daughter, I knew in my body what I had missed out on with my Dad. 

This was the first time in my life I understood on a visceral level what a strong loving relationship between a father and daughter could be like. And it saddened me to my core as it ignited the sense of loss I felt for my Dad but had denied for half a century. 

When I looked at Bruce walking Abbie down the aisle, I saw my father, not my brother. 

The feeling I had that I’d never see my brother again, was my two year old self knowing she didn’t get to say goodbye to her father. I knew the close family connection I was yearning for at the time of the wedding, had been broken all those years ago. For awhile, I tried to hold on to remnants of that family closeness by suggesting regular family get togethers, while knowing in my heart, the connection could never be repaired. The bond had been broken fifty years ago. 

It is recognised that children less than three years of age have little or no understanding of the meaning or significance of death. However, that doesn’t mean they don’t feel the loss or that they don’t need to grieve. This grief may go unrecognised and unexpressed for many years, waiting patiently for as long as it takes to have its expression. 

Renown grief expert, Dr Elisabeth Kübler-Ross wrote in her book, On Death and Dying (1969) ‘grief has a fail-safe mechanism that will hold itself intact until a child is old enough or psychologically prepared enough to deal with it.’ 

It took 50 years for me to express my grief for the loss of my Dad. I had carried it for all those years without knowing it was even there, and without understanding it needed to be expressed. 

Today on the fifty-first anniversary of his passing, I lovingly celebrate and honour my Dad, Gilbert Thompson Summers (21.11.1930 ~ 01.05.1962).  

 

‘I cannot think of any need in childhood

as strong as the need for a father’s protection.’

Sigmund Freud

Kaye

01 May 2013

Welcome to Angel Medicine

Welcome to my Angel Medicine website. I am still in the process of getting my website fully functional and I ask for your patience during this time. The purpose of this website is to provide you with access to information and resources to empower you to live a better life.

 

I understand many of us have experienced suffering in life. It is my life purpose to ease the suffering of others, through empowering and supporting them to live their best possible life. I had been suffering for most of my life following childhood experiences of the death of my parents and of abuse. However, my life was transformed when I released judgement of my past. I want you to know that you do not need to suffer any longer either.

 

I believe suffering is a choice. While pain is expected in life, suffering is optional. It doesn’t matter how long you have been suffering for, it is never too late to end your suffering. It is never too late to heal. Healing is possible. You owe it to yourself to heal and to love your life, and it is okay to take as long as it takes.

 

My hope is that it won’t take you as long as it took me. I will be providing tools and techniques through this website to help you ease your suffering and to enjoy life. You deserve to live your best possible life.

 

Love to all.

Kaye.